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Haemorrhoids? Wait, what? They weren’t in my birth plan!

February 13, 2021

Haemorrhoids? Wait, what? They weren’t in my birth plan!

Ok I’ll have to admit, for my first pregnancy, I went in a little naïve. I relied on my mum’s ‘memory’ of what childbirth was like, put faith in my obstetrician sharing all necessary information, read a couple of books and figured ‘I’ve got this’.

There were a lot of surprises and a lot of ‘Mum, I wish you had bloody shared that’ moments. Truth is, after 4 bubs 39 years ago, she had forgotten most of the details! My first son Kai, bless his cotton socks, was the inspiration for BodyICE Woman. Swollen vagina and exploding boobs…. Need I go any further? 

For my second pregnancy, I armed up. The most useful course I took was a calm birth course. That changed everything for me… I felt empowered and knowledgeable. I felt ready AND I had my post birth ice and heat packs to soothe my tender bits. Yey!

I had my second son Alek under the shower at The Woman’s hospital in Melbourne. Apparently water restrictions don’t apply to birthing mamas. I had an amazing midwife and I didn’t protest… the warmth of the shower on my back made the uncomfortable, bearable. 

This time, I knew what I was doing and the little fella came out of my screeching body like a warrior, fists clenched and roaring. No pain killers, no bright lights and no appearance from a doctor. Just me, my legendary midwife, my hubby and the warm shower. 

A lot of mums call childbirth a beautiful experience. I get it…. It’s amazing and I’m in constant awe in what the female body can do, but it ain’t pretty. I still liken it to an exorcism with a cute twist – the ‘bebe’ instead of the devil.

Ok, so all went well and I was home the next day. But still, a nice little surprise came a couple of days later when I went to pass my first poo. I was a little ‘blocked up’ with all the excitement and so I became petrified of passing poo. It felt like my uterus was going to come out with it, so pad in hand, I held up my perineum and s.l.o.w.l.y began to push. 

‘Oh man, this is going to hurt’…. Eventually, I managed. Again, not pretty.

About 30 mins later, the relief turned into a heavy ache. I went to the toilet to make sure my uterus was still in place and felt my way up to some new members of my anus. Little pea like structures, very bloody tender ‘WTF!’. Yep. Haemorrhoids. They weren’t part of my birth plan were they? 

So, for the next few days, I laid flat as much as I could to take the pressure off and had my trusty perineum ice packs on rotation (yes they reach from perineum to anus). Ahh the relief, not only on my perineum, but on my poor bum. A few days later, my new friends, Hammer and Roid shrunk and slid back to wherever they came from. No drugs, no creams, just natural cold therapy.

Ah childbirth. Full of surprises that’s for sure. 

Love Lydia


Be prepared and get your ice packs armed and ready. Shop our perineum and breast ice and heat packs today.

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